January 2012
6 posts
5 tags
And Now You Are Three
Dear Amelia,
You were born, January 28, 2009, amid the whirring and clicking of the NICU team, over my frantic wails, and my doctor’s shouts of “GET THE NICU IN HERE STAT,” a whopper of a baby. Your rolls had rolls, making you look like a mini Stay Puft Marshmallow Baby. I longed, from my place on the bed where I lay weeping, to examine every one of those rolls. There’s nothing I love more...
3 tags
An Open Letter To Netflix
Dear Netflix,
I’m not entirely certain why you added to my list of recommendations, the show Hoarders, but since you did, I had the compulsion (see what I did there?) to watch it. I’d never seen the show, Netflix, because I figured that seeing 10,000 empty bottles and rotted animal carcasses was not exactly my idear of a good time. Now, if they’d showed people eating their...
3 tags
Paint By Numbers With Vodka
7: cans of paint bought in the last 2 weeks
9,284: cans of half-used paint found in my basement, all of questionable color and/or origin
2: light fixtures bought in last two weeks
2: light fixtures that need to be disposed of in such a way that NO ONE will ever know they came from my house.
1: little girl who is determined she will be a “big three” as opposed to a “little...
2 tags
2 tags
An Open Letter To Sarah McLachlan
Dear Sarah McLachlan,
Let me start by saying you, Ms. McLachlan, have an impossible name to spell. I spent upwards of thirty whole seconds trying to ascertain whether or not that word grouping was properly spelled or a jumble of letters. That, however, is merely my issues with words, Sarah McLachlan. See, Sarah, I’m sorta illiterate.
I’m here today, Sarah McLachlan, to talk, not about your...
4 tags
December 2011
1 post
October 2011
5 posts
3 tags
2 tags
3 tags
Turns Out I Am Not Worth A Million Dollars
However, I did write about Antenatal Depression for ABC’s Million Mom’s Challenge.
September 2011
3 posts
I Went To Maryland And All I Got Was This Lousy... →
Body Language Decoded →
Sharing Band Back Together →
August 2011
2 posts
Um. Can You Um Help Me, The Tumblr? →
Wherein I Blather On About Tattoos. →
July 2011
9 posts
2 tags
Fresh Ink →
Crimes Against Fashion AND Humanity. →
4 tags
1 tag
Numb3rs
2603: unread emails +
$750: car repair +
1: bottle vodka
= happyness
mirapeloart asked: Thanks for your outstanding commitment to making me laugh (cuz I know you blog just for me)
You are my hero. Just sayin.
You are my hero. Just sayin.
Oh, Like The Clown Won't Scare People *More* Than... →
Let's Meat
the-daver:
Posted via email from The Daver Was Here | Comment »
4 tags
June 2011
10 posts
Scar Tissue →
Everything I Needed To Learn, I Learned From... →
3 tags
Things You Probably Don't Want To Do With Your... →
How Aunt Becky met The Daver →
3 tags
3 tags
The First Time My Mother Tried To Kill Me →
May 2011
5 posts
A Life Less Ordinary →
Shut your whore mouth. I DO have feelings.
This Blog Left Blank Intentionally →
3 tags
WatchThe voice in my head today.
April 2011
5 posts
They're The People That You (Don't) Meet →
At Least I'm Not The One Ruining Easter. This... →
Completely offensive Easter Cards RULE.
OMFG. WTF. BBQ. Oxford English Dictionary Tries To... →
WTF, Dictionary?
4 tags
Juice Boxes Are For Pussies →
My babies don’t need no JUICE BOXES. They need WINE.
March 2011
4 posts
Reminders Of What Never Was. →
Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.
2 tags
This One Time I Was Kidnapped. No. Seriously. →
This was a long time ago and sadly, there are no pirates involved. But it’s what happened. And shit, it sucked. It also seems like it should be made into a Lifetime Movie.
3 tags
Texts You Can Break Up To
The best part of this text?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS.