February 2012
7 posts
5 tags
Banana Hammock
Since moving The Guy On My Couch onto my couch, we’ve had a lot of desserts around. We all know I can’t cook. Shit, I’ve burned Jello and tried to microwave a can of SlimFast (not recommended, by the by), and not been even the slightest bit put off by it.
But the Guy On My Couch can cook. He LIKES to cook. He also likes home repairs and would probably clean the pool if the one I had wasn’t ...
Blooooooogies →
Wanna vote for Mommy Wants Vodka and Band Back Together?If I win, I’ll send you bacon. And cupcakes. But prolly not bacon cupcakes.
3 tags
The Middling Place
I sat there, glued to the end of the couch, holding onto my new baby like she was a life vest, the light from the end table next to me bathing us in a soft, yellow hue. There were other people around, although it was late in the evening. My sister in law? My mother? I can’t remember.
My sons, too, were around. Perhaps it was just the big one. The small one, based upon my memory, should have been...
2 tags
Internet Connections
I sat there, on my freshly cleaned couch (thank you o! gods of steam cleaners), in a group of my very best friends. We were eating the greasiest of greasy pizza, occasionally stopping to fetch a rogue binkie or wipe a dirty face. We laughed, talking about the times we’d shared, where our lives had randomly found us, pausing now and again to wipe tears from our eyes.
These people, my friends – my...
3 tags
The Sweetest Thing
After obsessing (I’m being kind here) and beating my brain against the wall, trying to allow myself to get over that stupid lump in my throat and just. fucking. do. it, I manged to, this year, talk myself out of talking myself out of planning a birthday for Amelia.
(did you follow that? I barely did)
I had my reasons. They sounded good rolling around in my head. I had my convictions. I held onto...
January 2012
9 posts
4 tags
I Should Be Locked In A Room
Ben, my oldest, has two baby books – TWO – devoted to his adorable chubby-cheeked ass. Everyone was all, “just wait until you have your SECOND kid – it’ll be lucky to have a single baby book.” (this was before anyone knew I’d be HAVING a second kid, so “it” was a perfectly fine way to refer to my yet-to-be-gestating child).
When I got pregnant with Alex, I was all “IMMA PROVE THEM WRONG, ...
A Very Sweet Birthday, Indeed →
Amelia’s first third birthday party. You should see the pictures. *dies of cuteness*
4 tags
This Little Light of Mine
Yesterday, at 4:28PM, my daughter turned The Big Three.
Ordinarily, this would be cause for some sort of celebration - one only turns three once, after all - but this birthday, this birthday was special.
Not just to me, but to each of you.
For without this tiny girl, curls like a halo, wisdom far greater than any three year old should have, there would be no Band Back Together. Without...
5 tags
And Now You Are Three
Dear Amelia,
You were born, January 28, 2009, amid the whirring and clicking of the NICU team, over my frantic wails, and my doctor’s shouts of “GET THE NICU IN HERE STAT,” a whopper of a baby. Your rolls had rolls, making you look like a mini Stay Puft Marshmallow Baby. I longed, from my place on the bed where I lay weeping, to examine every one of those rolls. There’s nothing I love more...
3 tags
An Open Letter To Netflix
Dear Netflix,
I’m not entirely certain why you added to my list of recommendations, the show Hoarders, but since you did, I had the compulsion (see what I did there?) to watch it. I’d never seen the show, Netflix, because I figured that seeing 10,000 empty bottles and rotted animal carcasses was not exactly my idear of a good time. Now, if they’d showed people eating their...
3 tags
Paint By Numbers With Vodka
7: cans of paint bought in the last 2 weeks
9,284: cans of half-used paint found in my basement, all of questionable color and/or origin
2: light fixtures bought in last two weeks
2: light fixtures that need to be disposed of in such a way that NO ONE will ever know they came from my house.
1: little girl who is determined she will be a “big three” as opposed to a “little...
2 tags
2 tags
An Open Letter To Sarah McLachlan
Dear Sarah McLachlan,
Let me start by saying you, Ms. McLachlan, have an impossible name to spell. I spent upwards of thirty whole seconds trying to ascertain whether or not that word grouping was properly spelled or a jumble of letters. That, however, is merely my issues with words, Sarah McLachlan. See, Sarah, I’m sorta illiterate.
I’m here today, Sarah McLachlan, to talk, not about your...
4 tags
December 2011
1 post
October 2011
5 posts
3 tags
2 tags
3 tags
Turns Out I Am Not Worth A Million Dollars
However, I did write about Antenatal Depression for ABC’s Million Mom’s Challenge.
September 2011
3 posts
I Went To Maryland And All I Got Was This Lousy... →
Body Language Decoded →
Sharing Band Back Together →
August 2011
2 posts
Um. Can You Um Help Me, The Tumblr? →
Wherein I Blather On About Tattoos. →
July 2011
9 posts
2 tags
Fresh Ink →
Crimes Against Fashion AND Humanity. →
4 tags
1 tag
Numb3rs
2603: unread emails +
$750: car repair +
1: bottle vodka
= happyness
mirapeloart asked: Thanks for your outstanding commitment to making me laugh (cuz I know you blog just for me)
You are my hero. Just sayin.
You are my hero. Just sayin.
Oh, Like The Clown Won't Scare People *More* Than... →
Let's Meat
the-daver:
Posted via email from The Daver Was Here | Comment »
4 tags
June 2011
10 posts
Scar Tissue →
Everything I Needed To Learn, I Learned From... →
3 tags
Things You Probably Don't Want To Do With Your... →
How Aunt Becky met The Daver →
3 tags
3 tags
The First Time My Mother Tried To Kill Me →
May 2011
5 posts
A Life Less Ordinary →
Shut your whore mouth. I DO have feelings.
This Blog Left Blank Intentionally →
3 tags
