Mommy Wants Vodka
The guy who sang "I Could Be Your Hero, Baby" was singing about me. And bacon cheeseburgers.
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This is my dream man.
Now, see, he KNOWS that I won’t mind if things get a little weird, because with me they’re ALWAYS a little weird. I mean, I’m AUNT BECKY, bitch! And while I normally can only handle 3.5 minutes on a bucking bronco, baby, for you, I’ll hold out for four.
I’ve never cried after sex, baby, unless it was really bad, but I’m planning to collect your tears and weave them into a throw rug. We can lay on it while we watch The Notebook. Then I will run my hands through your heart-shaped chest hair and thank GOD we’re together.
I CAN’T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANY LONGER, so I won’t even try.
